Last night I went to see the movie “Julie & Julia”. I read the book and the author, Julie Powell, does talk briefly about having PCOS and feeling immense pressure to have a baby. It’s not a central theme in the book but it’s just nice to have people openly acknowledge this issue. I wasn’t expecting the theme in the movie and it really wasn’t there in terms of Julie’s storyline. However, there are a couple of briefs moments where it is acknowledged with Julia Child. She and her husband are walking in the street and as a stroller goes by she turns and looks back in mid-conversation. I’m not sure everyone would notice this but as an infertile, this subtle gesture was not lost on me. Then later her sister marries, and she is also older, and sends Julia a letter that she is pregnant. As Julia reads it to her husband she breaks down in tears, all while being happy for her sister. Something an infertile can totally understand – joy and pain all in one moment. And that’s it. Nothing earth shattering. But again, it’s nice to see the infertility topic touched upon out there in mainstream media.
Aug 25
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4 Responses to “A nod to infertility in Julie & Julia….”
I appreciated that part in the movie too. The other night when I was battling insomnia, I flipped channels and came across “Raising Arizona” which I had seen and thought was really funny back in college. Now, not so much. It’s just too close to home.
We have some friends who are fostering to adopt. They do not know we are TTC. She said to me the other day, “Anyone can have a baby. It’s not like I can’t have a baby. I could have one if I wanted to. What we’re doing, now that takes effort, dealing with their special needs. Giving a child a second chance at a good life…”
I was pretty pissed about it, but she doesn’t even know how deeply she hurt me. Not sure how to deal with that.
I am sorry that your friend said something so hurtful to you. We often say things without ever deeply thinking about how hurtful it could be to someone else. Maybe at some point you could be honest with her or at least point out that her statement is not true. In the meantime, consider keeping your distance. I really have to be aware of who I spend my time around now and be protective of this sensitivity. Always take care of yourself first and surround yourself with love and support!
Thanks Lily for responding. I hope to meet some folks at the next meeting. I’m feeling a bit isolated right now since we are not planning to tell people until/unless we conceive.
Just being around other women who are in your situation really helps you feel less alone. I also highly recommend The Cabin Counseling Center in Zionsville (see Resources page) to help you work through this situation. You need to have a strong support system in place to help you shoulder this load. I can say from personal experience that not telling anyone and carrying it all inside, which included a miscarriage, was way more detrimental than telling anyone. And my health, my marriage and my outlook on everything greatly suffered for it. I’ll never do that again. But, I know that’s easier said than done. Try the meeting and maybe that will be a small step towards something positive for you. Hang in there!
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