Some time ago we posted about another group, the HOPE Pregnancy Loss Support Group, that also meets at St. Luke’s UMC. One woman actually attended the meeting last Tuesday and had some great comments, which are shared below. If you’ve suffered a miscarriage you might also consider this as another way to work through your grief. While my miscarriages were a few years ago, I’m still considering going now. Anyway, here’s the feedback:

“As for the HOPE group, I loved it. I really wish I had known about it months ago. There were about 15 women there and based on what was said it’s a pretty regular group with a few people coming and going each month. At the beginning of the meeting we went around the room and shared our stories and the discussion just sort of flowed from there. Most of the women have children at home, some have experienced infertility*(*please note that infertility is not the focus of this group), and others had their losses many, many years ago and still come to the meetings. Overall, the group seems to be very compassionate. The December meeting is actually an informal memorial service for the babies. They’ve also recently built a small garden as a memorial to the babies. You can buy a plaque and inscribe it with whatever you want and then it goes on the wall. I was just really impressed with these things. They don’t minimalize your pain or the life of your babies. If anything, the group affirms that your pain is real and acknowledges the existence and importance of the babies which were lost. Depending on what you’re looking for I can see the group being a really great thing. It was incredibly comforting and therapeutic to know that other women have experienced similar things, have struggled with the same feelings of pain, loss, anger, etc. The only downside I can see is that it’s difficult to listen to the experiences of the other women–they are truly heart breaking. In some ways it opened up old wounds and hurt, but I’m not entirely sure that’s a bad thing. I think that talking about it with other women may actually be beneficial in the long run.” - Recent Group Attendee 

If you think this could be for you, please contact Rev. Marsha Hutchison at 317.846.3404 ext. 315 for additional details. They also offer one-on-one support.

Last night I went to see the movie “Julie & Julia”. I read the book and the author, Julie Powell, does talk briefly about having PCOS and feeling immense pressure to have a baby. It’s not a central theme in the book but it’s just nice to have people openly acknowledge this issue. I wasn’t expecting the theme in the movie and it really wasn’t there in terms of Julie’s storyline. However, there are a couple of briefs moments where it is acknowledged with Julia Child. She and her husband are walking in the street and as a stroller goes by she turns and looks back in mid-conversation. I’m not sure everyone would notice this but as an infertile, this subtle gesture was not lost on me. Then later her sister marries, and she is also older, and sends Julia a letter that she is pregnant. As Julia reads it to her husband she breaks down in tears, all while being happy for her sister. Something an infertile can totally understand – joy and pain all in one moment. And that’s it. Nothing earth shattering. But again, it’s nice to see the infertility topic touched upon out there in mainstream media.

Thanks to Lori LeRoy’s great blog, Fertility Foibles, about finding humor on the fertility journey, I discovered another great blog called 999 Reasons to Laugh at Infertility. Naomi’s tagline sums it all up: “Because crying every time you get your period doesn’t seem to help.” So check out both of these hysterical blogs and have some laughs this month, too!

We talked a lot at our last meeting about finding balance and happiness during infertility treatments. It’s very easy to let all the doctors appointments and tests and procedures take over your life. But as Lily likes to remind us, you have to find happiness and peace with the life you currently have; a baby isn’t magically going to make you happy.

For a long time I wanted life to stop and wait for me while I progressed through this journey. I didn’t want to see anyone else’s kids, including my niece and nephew. I didn’t do a very good job of keeping up with my friends or family. I was just so frustrated by the whole process and all the failures we’d had.

When we switched to a new RE, we were forced to take a break while he did some more testing. I suddenly had a lot of time on my hands and realized how out of touch I was with my own life. I started scrapbooking again and got caught up with some of my friends. And I started feeling a lot better. So when we started fertility treatments again, I made a real effort to keep doing those everyday things I really enjoyed, like monthly dinners with my friends. It has really made a difference and I feel much less stressed.

So I’ve made a resolution to be more grateful and appreciate all the things I do have, and work on not letting infertility take over my life. So far I’ve been successful, and this summer has been a lot more enjoyable than last summer.

Sometimes it’s easy to assume that if you had lots of money and that you could afford all the treatments you wanted, then everything would work out. But the true is, it doesn’t guarantee a pregnancy or lessen the emotional toll on you or your spouse. Here are a few stories of celebrities speaking out about their experiences:

Constance Marie, star of George Lopez show, shares her story of a miracle baby at age 43, and started trying at age 38:

http://celebrity-babies.com/2009/04/03/constance-marie-introduces-her-miracle-baby/

Nia Vardalos, star of My Big Fat Greek Wedding, who recently adopted a 3 year old little girl via the American Foster Family Agency:

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20277865,00.html

The Dixie Chicks discuss their struggles with infertility and their song about it, “It’s So Hard”:

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/SummerConcert/Story?id=1998321&page=1