Sometimes it’s easy to assume that if you had lots of money and that you could afford all the treatments you wanted, then everything would work out. But the true is, it doesn’t guarantee a pregnancy or lessen the emotional toll on you or your spouse. Here are a few stories of celebrities speaking out about their experiences:

Constance Marie, star of George Lopez show, shares her story of a miracle baby at age 43, and started trying at age 38:

http://celebrity-babies.com/2009/04/03/constance-marie-introduces-her-miracle-baby/

Nia Vardalos, star of My Big Fat Greek Wedding, who recently adopted a 3 year old little girl via the American Foster Family Agency:

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20277865,00.html

The Dixie Chicks discuss their struggles with infertility and their song about it, “It’s So Hard”:

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/SummerConcert/Story?id=1998321&page=1

Here we go again, yet another Mother’s Day where I only get constant reminders that I’m not a mother. I’m a stepmother, an aunt, a daughter, a friend but none of those officially “count” on Mother’s Day, do they?  I spend the day without any children and trying to avoid the Mother’s Day festivities going on everywhere. In retaliation, I started a new tradition last year. I send Mother’s Day cards to my friends who aren’t mothers, either. Why? Because somewhere inside of each us lives a mother dying to get out. And we do let her out more than we realize - when we comfort a friend, take a niece or nephew out somewhere their parents won’t, dote on a student or a friend’s child and so many other examples.   These acts deserve to be acknowledged so why not on Mother’s Day?

Let me also add that those of us with infertility issues aren’t the only ones who suffer on Mother’s Day. Mothers who have lost children and children who have lost mothers also hurt. I never thought about that until I read on a blog somewhere something along these lines, “On Mother’s Day, I have no mother to buy a card for or to send flowers to.” So, I will try to reach out to a couple of those people, too, and let them know they are not forgotten. In closing, here’s a quote that reminds us that no act of kindness is ever wasted, “Today, give a stranger one of your smiles.  It might be the only sunshine he sees all day.”  ~Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Many of us on this fertility journey have also experienced the loss of a pregnancy. It can be a devastasting experience.  There is a local support group called HOPE that meets at 7 pm on the 2nd Tuesday of each month at St. Luke’s United Methodist Church. This month it should be on Tuesday, April 14th. From early miscarriage and beyond, all are welcome no matter the stage of your loss. While they do not have a website, you can contact Rev. Marsha Hutchison at 317.846.3404 ext. 315 for additional details. They also offer one-on-one support.

Don’t forget our monthly support group meeting is this coming Monday, the 13th from 6:30 to 8:30 pm at St. Luke’s UMC.

In many ways, dealing with infertility is similar to dealing with grief. Although infertility is not the same as a death, it is still a loss. The loss of the assumption that getting pregnant will be easy, possibly the loss of ever becoming pregnant or being a parent. And the loss of time while all of your friends and family are becoming pregnant and moving on with their lives.

Before reaching acceptance of the situation, it is very common to go through stages of denial, anger, bargaining and depression, often times over and over again. Each cycle we go through inspires us to be hopeful again and then be disappointed. It’s a cycle that repeats far too many times for us.

When I first realized it was taking awhile to get pregnant, I didn’t want to admit it. I kept trying to tell myself that maybe we just had bad timing or bad luck. We finally began seeing an RE, and then I was angry because we still didn’t have any answers, and we *still* weren’t pregnant. Isn’t an RE supposed to work some magic and get you pregnant within a few cycles? Or at least be able to tell you WHY you aren’t getting pregnant?

I think after that I alternated between anger and depression. Why was this happening to us? It wasn’t fair! We’re happily married; we have a nice house, good jobs, some savings. Having a baby is the next step in our plan. We wanted our children to grow up with their cousins, but our nieces and nephew are getting older and older and we still aren’t even pregnant.

It’s been 2 years since we started trying to have a baby, and only recently I feel that I’ve reached a stage of acceptance. Yes, this sucks. Yes, this is unfair. And yes, I am doing all that I can do to reach our goal of having a baby. There is nothing more that I can do, and being angry or sad won’t help me get any closer. I know I’ll have times again when I am angry, or sad, or in denial, but right now I’m in a good place.

Being part of the Indy Resolve group has really helped me reach this point. Hearing all the other stories and focusing on something other than myself has been very therapeutic for me. I’ve also been trying to re-connect with some of my friends, and spend time doing some of the things I used to do, like scrapbooking, volunteer work, etc.

Wherever you are at now, know that it will get better. One way or another we’ll all reach a stage of acceptance and find some resolution to this journey. In the meantime, take comfort from those around you who are also on this journey. Together we can help each other succeed.

I recently found this amazing website TED.com which stands for Technology, Entertainment and Design – Ideas Worth Spreading. Here you’ll find 20 min. long talks from the world’s most fascinating people. I thought I’d share with you this intriguing video titled the Paradox of Choice by psychologist and author Barry Schwartz. He discusses how infinite choice is paralyzing and exhausting to the human psyche.  This instantly made struck a chord for me and the fertility journey.  While I am thankful to live in a day and age of so many choices to have a child, there always seems to be one more thing to do or combination to try. It can become overwhelming and never ending. Anyway, thought some of you may find it interesting.

To find other talks that appeal to you, try looking through themes. I’m currently enjoying the Themes on “How the Mind Works” and “What Makes Us Happy?”