Indy Resolve » Personal Stories

Need support over the holidays? And a note of thanks….

Lily — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 05:30:53 +0000

It looks like this group is likely closing after the December meeting but the need for infertility support goes on. In case you haven’t heard via the blog, I (Lily) have personally developed an infertility e-class to support women over this holiday season. Lori LeRoy, the great speaker on humor and infertility is also involved plus another great blogger. Together we hope to grow this into ongoing e-classes to give women support, a way to work through their emotions and have some good times along the way.

I know many of you wanted to come to the group but it never worked out for your schedule or you lived too far away. Or maybe it was just too hard for you to come. Trust me, I understand. This private online environment will allow you ongoing support (not just once a month) and structure to tackle some of the hardest feelings that come up – but from the privacy of your own home. If you think this sounds like it might be good for you, check out the site at:

www.infertilityeclass.com

Class starts on Monday, November 30th so if you want to sign-up, you need to do so asap. I hesitated to write about it directly because there is a fee involved since we have costs to cover. However, a couple of you have signed up and I felt like I needed to reach out to the women who truly inspired this idea. While I couldn’t go on doing the in-person meetings, I knew I wanted to continue to offer support.

Lastly and most importantly, I wish each of you all the best on your fertility journey. And in the spirit of Thanksgiving – let me say Thank You. Thank you for those who did come to the group, those who poured their hearts out and those who bared their pain. Even if I only met you or heard from you once, I assure you I will carry you with me forever. Infertile women are special women, brave women and incredibly loving women. You are all wonderful nuturing souls in my book and I hope you find a way to share your gifts whether in traditional motherhood or other amazing ways.

Sincerely,

Lily
infertilemind@gmail.com

Forward to your friends…10 things not to say to you….

Lily — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 01:57:08 +0000

Here are two posts that I came across discussing things we do NOT need to hear and remind us all to think before we speak.

http://eyeheartinternet.wordpress.com/2009/07/05/10-things-not-to-say-to-your-infertile-friend/

and then an additional one inspired by the first one….

http://zenpeacekeeping.typepad.com/zen_and_the_art_of_peacek/2009/09/10-things-you-probably-shouldnt-say-to-a-friend-who-doesnt-have-children.html

A man’s perspective….

Lily — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 01:46:29 +0000

There seem to be many blogs available to hear about the woman’s side of the infertility journey but not many from the man’s side. So, I am intrigued by this new blog, In The Name of the Father, which discusses the fertility journey from the husband’s angle. Thought it might intrigue some of you others, as well.

Check it out at: http://fertilityguy.blogspot.com/

HOPE Pregnancy Loss Support Group – an attendee’s perspective…

Lily — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 15:42:27 +0000

Some time ago we posted about another group, the HOPE Pregnancy Loss Support Group, that also meets at St. Luke’s UMC. One woman actually attended the meeting last Tuesday and had some great comments, which are shared below. If you’ve suffered a miscarriage you might also consider this as another way to work through your grief. While my miscarriages were a few years ago, I’m still considering going now. Anyway, here’s the feedback:

“As for the HOPE group, I loved it. I really wish I had known about it months ago. There were about 15 women there and based on what was said it’s a pretty regular group with a few people coming and going each month. At the beginning of the meeting we went around the room and shared our stories and the discussion just sort of flowed from there. Most of the women have children at home, some have experienced infertility*(*please note that infertility is not the focus of this group), and others had their losses many, many years ago and still come to the meetings. Overall, the group seems to be very compassionate. The December meeting is actually an informal memorial service for the babies. They’ve also recently built a small garden as a memorial to the babies. You can buy a plaque and inscribe it with whatever you want and then it goes on the wall. I was just really impressed with these things. They don’t minimalize your pain or the life of your babies. If anything, the group affirms that your pain is real and acknowledges the existence and importance of the babies which were lost. Depending on what you’re looking for I can see the group being a really great thing. It was incredibly comforting and therapeutic to know that other women have experienced similar things, have struggled with the same feelings of pain, loss, anger, etc. The only downside I can see is that it’s difficult to listen to the experiences of the other women–they are truly heart breaking. In some ways it opened up old wounds and hurt, but I’m not entirely sure that’s a bad thing. I think that talking about it with other women may actually be beneficial in the long run.” - Recent Group Attendee

If you think this could be for you, please contact Rev. Marsha Hutchison at 317.846.3404 ext. 315 for additional details. They also offer one-on-one support.

Learning about where babies come from – then and now….

Lily — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 00:19:19 +0000

Where Babies Come From Education Then and Now - From 22 pages to 457 pages

Not long ago I found the old book “Where Did I Come From?” my mom used to teach me about where babies come from in the 80’s. Then I was going through some of our books in the Resolve library and the one titled “How to Get Pregnant” stuck out to me because it is SO thick. After thinking about the two I had a good chuckle at how simple the original teaching was when I was probably 7 and how complex the teaching became in my 30s. I thought someone else might appreciate the irony so I’m posting a photo of the two books and their “stats”.

“Where Did I Come From?” by Peter Mayle – approx. 22 pages with big text and lots of illustrations (still available, by the way)

“How to Get Pregnant” by Sherman J. Silber, MD – 457 pages, small text and very few photos

When did baby making get so complicated?

A nod to infertility in Julie & Julia….

Lily — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 02:14:23 +0000

Last night I went to see the movie “Julie & Julia”. I read the book and the author, Julie Powell, does talk briefly about having PCOS and feeling immense pressure to have a baby. It’s not a central theme in the book but it’s just nice to have people openly acknowledge this issue. I wasn’t expecting the theme in the movie and it really wasn’t there in terms of Julie’s storyline. However, there are a couple of briefs moments where it is acknowledged with Julia Child. She and her husband are walking in the street and as a stroller goes by she turns and looks back in mid-conversation. I’m not sure everyone would notice this but as an infertile, this subtle gesture was not lost on me. Then later her sister marries, and she is also older, and sends Julia a letter that she is pregnant. As Julia reads it to her husband she breaks down in tears, all while being happy for her sister. Something an infertile can totally understand – joy and pain all in one moment. And that’s it. Nothing earth shattering. But again, it’s nice to see the infertility topic touched upon out there in mainstream media.

An answer from “the other side”

Lily — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 19:30:48 +0000

Here’s a great response we received from a wonderful woman who attended our support group once. I thought it was very honest account of what happens on the “other side” of the fertility journey. We wish **** all the best for a health pregnancy of her and the babies.

“Thank you for sending the email, since our IVF round was successful I was unsure about contacting anyone, I thought it might make people uncomfortable or upset. I know how I felt when hearing someone else had gotten pregnant and I didn’t want anyone to feel bad. This has been such a hard pregnancy so far, I’ve had hyperemsis pretty bad. From week 6 to week 12 I had to go to the hospital 3x’s for dehydration, I was hooked up to an I.V. at home for 8 days for dehydration, I was also hooked up to an zofran pump for 4 weeks, and I lost 20 lbs total… I have to go for a weigh in tomorrow to make sure I am gaining weight. I have been able to eat for about 1 1/2 weeks now, so I’m hoping that keeps up. The thing we have to deal with now, is we’re having twins, so the question EVERYONE asks is “Did you use fertility treatments?” It gets old having to field that question, over and over again. Only close friends, and family know we did IVF, but we say no to everyone else.

I tell you what, though, I was only at one meeting, but I felt like the world had lifted a ton of bricks off my shoulders. I was pretty vocal about how angry I was going thru treatments, and all of the women I work with that are pregnant. And I needed that, I had to get that off my chest in an enviornment where I was understood, and supported. And even though I know many women go thru this, I didn’t feel alone anymore. All I can say is thank you to both of you for continuing the support group, it meant so much to me, and I know means so much to other women.”

Indy Resolve asks – Where are YOU now?

Lily — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 15:34:18 +0000

As Karen and I left the last meeting (which was great!) we talked about how each meeting we have new faces. It’s a good feeling to know that we continue to reach new people each month but we wonder what has happened to those of you have attended before? We know a few of you have gone to become pregnant and that is wonderful. How has the pregnancy affected you now after your fertility journey? What about the rest of you? We’d love to hear if attending even one meeting helped you take a new step on your fertility journey and where you are now.

Also, the national Resolve organization is now offering free teleseminars and offer a great range of topics. If anyone actually “attends” one, we’d love to know if you felt it was worthwhile.

Find details at: http://www.resolve.org/site/PageServer?pagename=teleseminar

Multiple IUIs vs. Straight to IVF

Karen — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 03:18:02 +0000

I’ve seen a lot of articles similar to this recently:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/hsn/20090620/hl_hsn/treatmentoptionshortenspathtopregnancy

The gist of it is that some couples can become pregnant quicker and for less money overall if they go straight to IVF and skip the IUI / injectible steps.

I’m not going to talk about the money aspect; that’s a topic for another day. What I do want to say is that these studies aren’t looking at the emotional aspect. IVF can be very overwhelming – there are a lot of drugs involved, and frequent appointments and blood draws. I personally didn’t find IVF to be that bad, but I’d already done 4 injectible cycles. I was already familiar with the drugs and how they affected me. We knew where and how to give the shots and it wasn’t intimidating anymore.

From a different angle, IVF seems like the last resort, the most drastic step. It feels like you’ve completely failed and need a doctor to make you a baby in a dish. I needed to know that we’d done all that we could before we moved on to that level of intervention.

It doesn’t matter to me what some study said, I still would have done the injectibles and IUIs. I needed that time and slower steps to progress to the IVF cycle. Without the IUI cycles, I would have felt MUCH more overwhelmed by IVF, and we wouldn’t have had any idea what dosage to start with. I’m happy with my decisions, and that’s really the key. You have to make the choices that are right for you and everyone has a different path.

Follow Lori LeRoy’s Story about using a surrogate

Lily — Sun, 31 May 2009 15:29:59 +0000

When we met Lori, we also learned a new interesting element to her story – she and her husband are going to use a surrogate/gestational carrier. For those who are interested in following this story, sure to include some good laughs, read her new blog called “My Egg, Your Nest” at:

http://www.myeggyournest.blogspot.com/

We wish Lori, her husband and the surrogate, lovingly nicknamed “The Nest”, all the best!